


You're like the calmest slit to my neck

by heryellowcup



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Actors, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Mutual Pining, One Shot, Pining, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-30 01:40:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15086252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heryellowcup/pseuds/heryellowcup
Summary: Lena knows that she would have been a lot more timid, her lips curved into a smile much more gentle if it hadn’t been for those few intimidating words in the script, the ones telling her just how sure she is in approaching the blonde sprawled out on the bed in front of her.Or, Lena and Kara are actors who play a couple on screen. They're not supposed to actually fall for each other.





	You're like the calmest slit to my neck

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a quick one-shot because I couldn't help myself. 
> 
> All mistakes are mine. Enjoy! :)

Lena’s breathing is shallow, her heart hammering in her chest as she slowly makes her way across the room to where Kara is waiting for her on the bed, each step driving her further into the sweet torture this scene really is. She feels nervous, feels uneasy for seemingly no reason and yet the smile on her lips is astonishingly confident, the longing in her eyes genuine and everything she is able to focus on, the want, the need to make this something more, something real. Lena knows, of course, that she would have been a lot more timid, her lips curved into a smile much more gentle if it hadn’t been for those few intimidating words in the script, the ones telling her just how sure she is in approaching the blonde sprawled out on the bed in front of her. As if she didn’t have anything to lose or feels bold nonetheless. 

And then Lena looks at her, really looks at her for the first time in this particular scene, a simple gaze enough to set a fire deep within her, a simple gaze enough to momentarily stop her heart from beating. One glimpse of Kara’s skin is enough to drive her into oblivion and Lena is convinced that she would have forgotten her lines, would have forgotten all of the words she was supposed to whisper, if there were any to begin with. But she’s not supposed to speak, is supposed to love Kara with only her body, with subtle touches and a teasing smirk, is supposed to show appreciation by deliberately studying every single one of her flaws, strip her naked with only her eyes until there’s nothing left to see but vulnerability.

It feels impossible when Kara radiates confidence and Lena almost chuckles when she catches herself wanting to take another step closer, realizes how painfully easy all of this is, loving Kara. Making it look real. Trying not to widen her eyes upon noting that the only time she is really acting, is really focusing on it, is after the director calls ‘cut’. When she has to convince everyone that all they are is friends, has to convince everyone that loving Kara is a job, a role that she has to lose herself in. She doesn’t tell them that she loses herself in Kara instead, drowns in her feelings for the other woman. Had been for a while now. 

It’s hard not to fall for her smile, for the blue that is her eyes and the boldness that she lives, the way she’s so unapologetically herself, always. Lena thinks that everyone falls for her at some point, that it’s inevitable. Because how could they not admire how upbeat and happy and incredibly charismatic she is? How could they not see how gorgeous she is, how absolutely flawless in a way that couldn’t feel less intimidating. Lena’s throat feels dry, all of a sudden, when she looks at Kara, sheets barely covering her delicate body. The only light source being a little lamp in the far right corner of the spacious room, shadows playing with her soft features. Everything about the moment feels warm, feels incredibly comfortable and fragile at the same time. And Lena wants to cry. 

Wants to cry, wants to yell at both Kara and herself for being so perfect together, for fitting so well in a setting that certainly doesn’t allow such feelings. She doesn’t, lets herself fall into the void that is guilt instead. She is supposed to feel indifferent about all of this, is supposed to operate behind the mask that is professionalism. Lena is cold, is guarded and she does not, under no circumstances, fall for her co-worker, someone she is supposed to love on screen and forget about once it is over. Instead, she carries Kara home. 

She denies it at first, she really does. But the way Kara smiles at her just then makes it impossible. Said smile manages to pull her out of her thoughts as well, causes her to move forward until she is right in front of the other woman. She wants to feel closer, still. 

Kara reaches out for her hand before Lena knows it, pulls her closer like she had silently begged her to. Lena knows what’s coming next, has read the script more times than she’d ever dare to admit, had smiled softly to herself while doing so, alone in her apartment. Wistfully, as if the scene was going to destroy both her and their relationship. And she fears the moment that their lips meet in a gentle, somewhat needy and desperate kiss. And yet she also relishes the feeling, relishes how soft Kara feels when they are this close, when they let themselves be vulnerable, when they lose themselves in something that is supposed to leave them feel nonchalant. 

It’s not the first time they kiss. It’s not the second or the third time either, but it feels different this time. Feels like torture, feels absolutely soul crushing and entirely too perfect for Lena to pull back again, like she should have, way too perfect for her to take note of the familiar sound that seemingly just exists to break her heart, to remind her of what this truly is, of what she is supposed to feel. 

“Cut!”

It’s Kara who pulls back first and when Lena finally dares to open her eyes again, she looks right into blue ones. Looks at soft skin, a scrunched up nose and full lips curved into a genuine smile. It’s a smile that matches Lena’s, one that hides how pathetic the dark-haired woman feels. Falling for someone so young, someone so innocent who she is supposed to guide, whose friend she is supposed to be. Someone she’s supposed to work with. 

She panics, then. It’s impossible not to when the director starts to criticize everything that Lena had enjoy a little bit too much, tells them that the whole encounter had seemed too intimate, too gentle for two people who had just started to slowly fall for each other, for two people who were mainly driven by passion and lust. 

“I need a break,” she mumbles quietly, leaves the room before anyone can ask questions, runs her hand through her hair as she makes her way down the stairs and into the cold night air. And she feels like she can finally breathe again, the cool wind hitting her face sharply feeling nothing but calming, comforting. 

She’s halfway through her first cigarette, barely a quarter into thinking about all that she and Kara are when Sam approaches her, finds her leaning against the wall, miserably so. Her voice cuts through the silence, out of nowhere, and yet Lena doesn’t jump, isn’t the least surprised that the other woman had followed her in the first place. She doesn’t usually pull stunts like this, after all, doesn’t just leave without an explanation. She doesn’t run, confronts problems head on, is professional. But then she also doesn’t fall in love, doesn’t catch feelings for someone so painfully unattainable. 

“Are you okay?” Sam asks nonchalantly and Lena can tell she is trying her best to stay calm, probably wants to yell at her instead. Lena can’t blame her, wants to do the same.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Lena’s voice is laced with bitterness and she completely wants to strip the emotions away from it, wants to be her usual calm self again. She doesn’t know how to deal with this, doesn’t want to.

The leggy brunette’s only reply is a snort before she snatches the cigarette out of Lena’s hand and throws it on the ground, steps on it a few times for good measure. Maybe just to get her point across. Lena lets her, sighs heavily and leans her head back against the wall she’s still leaning on, closes her eyes in hopes to escape reality for a short moment. She knows what is coming next and yet she tries to ignore her best friend’s words, fails miserably. 

“You just left in the middle of a scene! To what, smoke? I thought you were over that. Just because you want Kara doesn’t mean-“

“I don’t want Kara.” Lena wants those words to sound mocking, like a joke, but they sound ridiculous instead. Sound desperate, like she’s trying to convince herself of them, like she wants Sam to believe them at least, if she can’t herself. Denying it feels so much easier than accepting the truth Sam already knows. 

“Yeah, right.” At least one of them gets the mocking undertone right. “You don’t want her. You’re absolutely in love with her; better?” 

Lena almost chuckles, wants to shake her head in disbelief and then cry. 

“It’s not like that.” She opts for the easy way out instead, hopes Sam will just let it be, will let her deal with it on her own, like she always has. 

“Are you sure, Lena? Because you seem miserable.” And there it is. “I’ve seen the way you two look at each other, you know. Everyone does. I’ve seen the way you cuddle up during your damn, platonic movie nights an-“

“It’s not like that,” Lena repeats, more determined this time. She knows that Sam is right, in a way. They had, indeed, grown really close over the past few weeks, over the course of filming this movie and even before that. It had all been Kara’s idea, of course, she had been the one who started this all, who pulled them into this mess in the first place. Who pulled Lena into it, let her feel miserable while she herself was feeling content at the thought of making a new friend. Hanging out together was supposed to make it easier for them, to make them feel more comfortable with each other, with shooting love scenes and looking into each other’s eyes longingly. As if it didn’t come naturally to Lena already. The plan had backfired instead, Lena now feeling more comfortable with Kara than she ought to. It’s why the following words taste bitter when they leave her mouth. “We’re just friends.” 

“Just friends, right,” Sam scoffs, shakes her head in what seems to be frustration. Lena almost has the decency to feel bad about having dragged yet another unsuspecting person into this, someone she cared for. “You two are the stars of this whole thing, Lena. No one’s gonna say anyth-“ 

“Sam.” Her name is a warning on Lena’s lips, manages to shut the other woman up, finally. It’s just one syllable, just a name, but the tone of Lena’s voice makes all the difference, the single word revealing more about her feelings than she had ever wanted to admit. The silence between them is uncertain, but Lena figures that it’s too late now anyways, that denying everything isn’t something that will ever work in her favor. Her voice almost cracks either way. “I like her.” 

Sam is not surprised, doesn’t miss a beat before she keeps talking. “And she likes y-“

“She doesn’t. And I’m not talking about this, Sam, not now, not ever. I’m supposed to be professional and you know damn well that this is against all of my rules. I shouldn’t have let it happen in the first place, I-“ 

Sam pulls Lena into a tight hug as soon as her voice breaks, holds her protectively and rubs her back soothingly. She finally seems to understand that all of this might be a bigger deal than she had previously thought it to be, feels bad about her teasing, even. And she hates seeing her friend like this, hates that Lena seemingly never gets the chance to be truly happy. It doesn’t matter how much she deserves it. 

“It hurts, Sam.” Lena’s words are barely audible, a quiet whisper at most. Sam hears the pain in them nonetheless, Lena’s voice soft and close to collapsing altogether. 

“Have you talked to her?” Sam asks gently, but the only response she gets is a shake of Lena’s head. “Come on, I’m sure you guys can work something out. This doesn’t have to destr-“ 

Sam never gets to finish her sentence, her reassuring words, a quiet chuckle interrupting her. It’s followed by what sounds suspiciously close to a sniff and it takes both Sam and Lena an embarrassingly long time to realize that it hadn’t escaped either of their lips. The latter’s heart seemingly stops beating as soon as she spots Kara, standing just a few feet away from them, nervously fumbling with her own fingers. Lena freezes, can’t be quite sure if she is imagining the tears rolling down the blonde’s cheeks, or if maybe she just wishes that they’re real. As if maybe she is sick of being the only one that is hurting, doesn’t want to be alone anymore. And it’s not like she can stop her own tears from falling, can’t do anything but stare at the girl in front of her, her heart hammering in her chest. 

“What?” It’s Sam’s voice that cuts through the tension, through the silence, cold and angry. She can’t believe Kara has the decency to chuckle while Lena herself is in so much pain. 

And Kara simply nods to herself, answers Sam’s question though she doesn’t regard her with as much as a second glance, looking at only Lena instead. And there’s a soft smile finding its way to her lips. 

“I just think that we’re idiots.” Kara’s voice is light, laced with an uncertainty that Lena isn’t used to hearing, knows the other woman to be confident and happy at all times. 

The dark-haired woman almost doesn’t dare to look up again, feels oddly relieved when she does and her eyes meet Kara’s. Their shared look is what gives her the confidence to ask. “Why?” 

“Would you believe me if I told you that I had this exact conversation with my manager approximately fifty times those past weeks?” Kara laughs softly and Lena can’t stop her own lips from curving upwards ever so slightly, Kara’s dimpled smile never failing to make her feel at ease. 

Still, Lena doesn’t know what to say and when she stays silent, Kara takes her chance, holds her hand out for the other woman to take whenever she is ready, a mischievous smile now spread across her lips. “Come on, let’s go make out a little more.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are highly appreciated! 
> 
> Please let me know what you think! :)


End file.
